


we proceed on insufficient knowledge

by elegantidler



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M, Post-Series, more of pre-relationship but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 13:51:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16176386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elegantidler/pseuds/elegantidler
Summary: Todd talks to Dirk about what Priest said





	we proceed on insufficient knowledge

It’s quiet after Amanda and the rest of the Rowdy 3 have driven away and the dust and gravel has all settled.

A soft breeze rustles through the golden grasses and slowly pushes the clouds across the expanse of grey sky.

They stay there, leaning against the hood of the car for a long while, just watching the world, enjoying the total calmness.

For the first time in what feels like an age, nothing bad is waiting to happen, no monster lurking on the periphery, no panic, no fear.

Todd looks over at Dirk who is looking up at the sky with a content look on his face and he’s loathe to bring an end to that but he thinks what he has to say is important for Dirk to hear.

“You know what that Priest guy said wasn’t true, right? Those people Suzie killed at the hospital, it wasn’t your fault.”

Dirk turns towards him.

“Of course, Todd. I know that. Obviously.”

 He smiles, but it’s strained and uncomfortable and his shoulders have tensed.

“I’m serious, Dirk. You aren’t responsible for what Suzie did. Those people died because Suzie killed them, that’s it.”

Dirk doesn’t respond immediately, just looks down at the ground and blinks.

“She was there because of me though, wasn’t she. She was looking for _me_ , trying to _kill_ me. If I hadn’t insisted on going to—“

He picks up speed as he says all this but Todd stops him before he can really spin out by turning to face him and gripping his arm lightly.

“Dirk, stop. Trust me, I know all about self-pity parties, but it _wasn’t_ your fault.”

He bobs his head slightly to try and catch Dirk’s eye.

“ _Suzie Boreton_ killed those people because she’s a bad guy. It had nothing to do with you. It’s fate and chance, or choosing your own moves in a game or whatever. It was _her choice_."

Dirk closes his eyes and concentrates on the slight pressure of Todd’s fingers on his arm, trying to ground himself.

He purses his lips, and nods quickly and almost imperceptibly, willing himself to believe what Todd is saying.

He knows Todd is right; he’s using Dirk’s own logic, but…  

Part of him will always feel guilty about those people, just like he will always feel guilty about everyone who has been killed around his cases.

Everyone Todd doesn’t know about.               

Everyone he couldn’t save.

Everyone he failed.

But he’s lived with that guilt for a long time.

And he’ll live with it a while longer.

And so he’ll do what he always does, he’ll listen to the universe and do what he can.

And maybe it will be different this time.

Maybe Todd and Farah will make it different.

And Todd has moved his hand from Dirk’s arm to squeeze his hand gently, and Dirk feels something like hope or gratitude bloom in his chest and settle next to love and he squeezes back even though he can’t meet Todd’s eye yet.

Maybe it’s already different.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> I am genuinely unsure if the people Suzie killed were resurrected in the end. The show would seem to imply that those under curses would be freed when the people who cast the curse died (ie Hobbs, Suzie's family) but gives no indication that people would be brought back to life in our world anyway.
> 
> (There's a strong possibility this will get a chapter 2 at some point) 
> 
> Title from [The Grammar of Affection](https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/grammar-affection) by Jay Parini


End file.
